Saved By Grace

It struck me, as I sit awake at near 1am on a Thursday/Friday how much my life has changed. We all change. We make mistakes, we think we know everything, we grow (hopefully). It struck me in just a moment of how many years ago at 1am on a Thursday I'd be in a bar, unsure where I was, and trying to escape the feelings I now am begging Him to help me deal with. Not drink away and suppressing, really dealing with. To heal with the amazing love only He provides. Lately, I've been working on softening my heart. I am so Irish, through and through, I need His love to help me to be slow to anger, quick to listen and forgive. It often feels like running an uphill battle on St. Patrick's day, but I am committed. I have felt my heart "hardening" emotionally the last few days again and I have been so blessed by the "small, yet subtle" reminders He has placed in front of me.

Maybe it's a small and silly thing to think about, but it struck me in such a way. Like if Back to the Future me showed up right now she'd hopefully feel peace that life won't always be so chaotic and lost as it was in my early twenties?

St. Louis is under a heat wave and this Mama is none too pleased. Lord love the roofers who have been working in this heat. Kiddo and I have mostly been enjoying INDOOR activities. I finally got him enrolled in school and managed not to cry...yet. Who knew 5 would come so fast. It's so amazing to watch him grow into his own personality and strong young man, but it's also hard to watch my baby go and make his own choices.

Movie cuddles cus mama wasn't feeling good

My body doesn't react well to any heat above 80 degrees (I know, I know, why am I living in the Midwest).  So, I've been in and out of the Doctors/hospitals. The Xray girls couldn't read my Dr.'s orders and I ended up with a full body xray instead of just a lower. Turns out I have some bone deterioration at 24 years old, which certainly isn't normal. So, this is a new challenge to face. They aren't really sure why or what it means yet, but I'm thankful to be starting physical therapy Sept 1. I am thankful for my loving partner being forever calm in scary situations where I over react, I am thankful to know that even if it turns out to be nothing or the worst case scenario, he is by my side. That is true love.

I stole a peek of my neck-rays, is that illegal?

I stole a peek of my neck-rays, is that illegal?

Life with an autoimmune disease

Having an autoimmune disease isn't easy, in fact it's been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Worst of all, we're pretty much stuck together forever. Which isn't a relationship I enjoy.

I've realized, through my nearly 3 year journey with a disease, is how often you feel crazy. Maybe it's because your family/peers are making you feel like you're not really sick or like there isn't anything wrong with you. Maybe it's because, like a lot of people with autoimmune disease, your doctors can't seem to find a "real cause" or they keep changing what your diagnosis is.

No matter what you're facing in your autoimmune journey, don't give up, don't lose focus or faith. No matter how exhausted you feel, or how like you'll never find the answer to all the problems and pain you're feeling and facing, continue to believe in yourself. Never stop having faith they'll find the problem, or finding a cure (keep in mind, Lupus has been around since the 1900's and STILL doesn't have a cure).

Tomorrow will be better than today <3

My day has been filled with xrays/mri's/and blood work